


Don't Carry It All

by thekingofcarrotflowers



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Spoilers for Bull's Personal Quest, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4065004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekingofcarrotflowers/pseuds/thekingofcarrotflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events at the Storm Coast weigh heavier on the Iron Bull than he lets on, and Dorian is there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Carry It All

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this drawing: http://rockgaara.tumblr.com/post/120295841226/this-time-ill-take-care-of-you-amatus-i-cant

A sharp knock sounds on Dorian’s door, startling him from the letter he was carefully writing to Maevaris. After knocking the bottle of ink over, he swears under his breath as he hurriedly uprights the bottle. Before heading to the door, he wipes his hands off on a stray bit of parchment. The knock sounds again, softer this time.

  
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Dorian grumbles. When he throws the door open, ready to snap at the scout the Inquisitor assigned to remind Dorian to eat when they were gone, he’s surprised to find the Bull standing there. He looks somber, face uncharacteristically blank, shoulders slumped slightly. It makes Dorian’s heart drop into his boots, never having seen Bull look so crestfallen. It is always sly smirks and bellowing laughs and hot gazes with the Bull, “Bull?”

  
“Hey, I, uh…” the crease on Bull brow deepens. He struggles to find the right words, shuffling slightly.

  
“I wasn’t expecting you back so soon,” Dorian continues, realizing something is wrong. The Bull had gone to the Storm Coast with the Inquisitor, Varric, and Solas to work with the Qun to clear out some red lyrium shipments. They decided against Dorian going along, since the something happening between them was growing more substantial. Dorian didn’t want to risk what he had with Bull, knowing the trip would put him in an especially sour mood, not wanting it to create some sort of wedge between them again. Even sitting back at Skyhold, knowing Bull was facing the Qun and dreadnaughts and the reminders of all that was back home put Dorian in an especially bad mood and everyone had kept their distance from the mage, “Is something wrong?”

  
Bull grunts, then nods. Dorian realizes then that his silver eye has gone glossy with tears and the mage stifles a surprised noise.

  
“Come in,” Dorian says softly, stepping back and letting the Bull duck through the doorway. He gestures towards the edge of his bed, “Sit.”

  
Bull hesitates, glancing between Dorian and the bed, before complying. He sits down stiffly, making Dorian wonder if he’d been taking care of himself on this trip, if he’d been hurt during it. Wordlessly, Dorian shuts the door and moves towards Bull. He reaches out for the harness, unbuckling it was practiced finesse, and carefully sets it on the floor. Heated by magic, Dorian’s warm fingers trail across Bull’s skin, checking for fresh scars and lingering wounds. Bull’s eye never leaves Dorian’s face, studying him closely. He reaches out and runs his knuckles down Dorian’s jawline, and Dorian gives him a soft, perfect smile in return.

  
Kneeling at Bull’s feet, Dorian begins removing the brace before his hands move to the laces of Bull’s boots. He undoes them carefully, pulling off Bull’s still-muddy boots and dropping them on the floor. Normally, it would be a compromising position, especially after Bull’s been gone away on a mission, but this time, there’s nothing suggestive about it.

  
“Have you been taking care of your knee?” Dorian questions, hands moving to the knot of scars on Bull’s knee. He massages into it, smooth fingers working away the lingering hurt in Bull’s gnarled knee. A groan escapes Bull’s mouth at the feeling, but Dorian can tell it does little to take the tension out of Bull. He frowns slightly, unsure if they are at a place where he was allowed to ask, sure that Bull will tell him if he deemed Dorian worth knowing.

  
“Dorian,” Bull says gruffly, and Dorian looks up into his face. He is surprised to find tears running down Bull’s cheek, and he hurriedly stands, moving forward between Bull’s thighs. Hesitating for a moment, he reaches out to cup the side of Bull’s face and wipe away the tears with a thumb.

  
“What happened?” Dorian asks gently, his other hand trailing against the muscle of Bull’s chest.

  
Bull shrugs slightly, swallowing hard as he tries to compose himself.

  
“The Inquisitor?” Dorian continues, a knot rising in his throat at the though of his friend hurt or dead. Bull shook his head, “Your Chargers?”

  
“No, they’re all okay,” Bull mutters, voice gone hoarse.

  
“Something … went wrong with the mission?” concludes Dorian.

  
“Yeah.”

  
Knowing Bull isn’t ready to talk just yet, Dorian leans forward to place a soft kiss on his forehead.  
“Whatever happened, it will be alright.”

  
Bull grunts out his uncertainty, closing his eye as Dorian continues to press kisses against his salty cheeks and creased forehead. They stay like that for a stretch of time, Bull’s hands slowly moving to grip tightly at Dorian’s hips like he might slip through his fingers.

  
“Tal-Vashoth,” Bull finally growls out, voice low and broken. Dorian blinks at him for a moment, confused. He knows the basics about the term, knows Adaar was born outside of the Qun and was Vashoth, something somewhat different. She and the Bull occasionally touch on the subject, one area where the pair could butt heads. He’s aware that Bull hunted down Tal-Vashoth at a time, before moving south, and he knows that Bull had some sort of animosity towards the people two turned away from the Qun, “Everything went south.”

  
The tears are heavier now, leaving wet streaks down Bull’s silver chest. Dorian hurries to kiss them away again, but they don’t stop flowing. Murmured reassurances pass from Dorian’s lips, still not entirely understanding what happened but knowing that Bull has lost something dear to him, part of who he was. Bull has comforted him during such crisis, when Dorian met with his father in Redcliff and when Felix died, when a part of him felt broken and wrong, and Dorian wants to be able to help Bull carry the burden just as Bull had helped him.

  
“I’m Tal-Vashoth now,” Bull clarifies, more for himself than for Dorian, and his fingers dig harder into Dorian’s side after admitting it. The mage doesn’t pull away, even though he’s sure there will be bruises there before long, and instead leans further into Bull, wrapping his arms around him as best as he could.

  
“You’re the Iron Bull,”  Dorian states, a sureness and trust in his voice that rattles Bull.

  
A sob finally breaks free of the Bull, the man leaning forward to carefully press his face into Dorian’s chest and weep. Dorian holds him tight, fingers making patterns and shapes on Bull’s back, trailing up to his horn occasionally to reassure. He mumbles in Common, in Tevene, in the unsteady Qunlat he is learning, in an effort to calm and comfort. The crying lasts long enough to completely dampen the front of Dorian’s robes with snot and tears before Bull jerks away, an unfamiliar look of embarrassment creeping into his features.

  
“It’s alright,” Dorian kisses his cheek again.

  
“Your robes,” Bull reached for them, running his fingers over the tear stains. He knows how precious they are to the mage, and somehow this small thing makes him begin to worry about how easily he can destroy everything.

  
Dorian shrugs, risking a timid smile, “I’ll just have to get out of them, then.”

  
It succeeds in getting a weak laugh out of Bull, and Dorian decides that’s better than nothing.

  
Moving back into comfortable silence, Dorian works quickly at the buckles and straps of his clothing, striping down before Bull. Tonight, the Bull only wants to touch and hold Dorian close, to know that he’s there, and Dorian understands that without Bull having to say the words. Once he casts off all his clothes, he begins to work at Bull’s belt.

  
“Can you trust me now?” Bull asks, voice a low whisper. He’s looking down at Dorian’s hands.

  
“What?” Dorian questions, stilling and abruptly looking up at Bull’s face. There’s pain there, pain and guilt and uncertainty, “Of course-”

  
“You don’t understand,” Bull huffs, “I don’t have anything to keep me grounded anymore. The Qun kept me from losing control of myself. I don’t—”

  
“I’ll keep you grounded,” Dorian states, and Bull looks at him like he’s lost his mind.

  
“Dorian,” Bull mutters, shaking his head. It’s too much, too much to ask of someone, too big of a burden to put on someone he cares about so deeply.

  
“When were you really part of the Qun last, Bull?” Dorian asks, his voice a little harsher than he intended as he thinks of the hurt that the Qun has caused Bull in the past, is causing Bull now. His mind fills in what happened in re-education, in Seheron, on the Storm Coast. He schools his tone before speaking again, “You’ve been the Iron Bull for years now, correct? I don’t think you’re going to change so much because the Qun severed its ties.”

  
“I dunno, Dorian…”

  
“I’ll take care of you,” Dorian assures him before leaning in to place another kiss on his forehead, “It’s my turn to take care of you.”

  
Bull reaches up carefully, gripping Dorian’s forearm tightly and letting his eye fall closed again. After a long while like this, Dorian beginning to stroke patterns into his shoulders, the Bull pulls Dorian down into the bed. He wraps them up together, legs entangling, covers pulled across them. Dorian settles into the crook of his arm, using his chest as a pillow.

  
“Rest, Amatus,” Dorian breathes against his skin, and the word makes the knot in Bull’s chest unwind some, a warmness pushing away the heaviness around his heart, “I’ve got you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thought writing about Bull being the one needing comforting and Dorian rising to the challenge would be fun?


End file.
